


Peanuts

by roryheadmav



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, High School AU, High School Football AU, Lots of characters to follow, M/M, No I will not be tagging them all, football au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-01-11 04:58:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roryheadmav/pseuds/roryheadmav
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A High School AU. Thor is the popular quarterback of SHIELD High School. Loki is the transfer student/nerd who gets on his nerves. Can they survive all the teenage drama of High School and each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tothetwelve](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=tothetwelve).



> This Thorki High School AU is a commission by talented artist, tothetwelve. Although there have been many such stories that I've read and enjoyed, unlike in these tales, I am not depicting Loki as a shy nerd. Loki here will definitely be a devious mischief maker causing trouble for Thor and company. My choice of American football is all the fault of my fascination for "Eyeshield 21". Although I did do some research on football, I am pretty sure that I *will* make mistakes. So please pardon these mistakes if ever you do come across them as this story progresses.
> 
> I'm just guessing, but I'm hoping to take this story to about the same length as "Frog Prince of Asgard". However, if I am to update this story, it would be together with "Stormslasher" and "A Sliver Of A Poisoned Apple." 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll like this little yarn that I wove for you. :)

**PEANUTS**

**Copyright February 5, 2014**

**Prologue**

 

Coach Thor Charles Odinson was perceptive enough to detect the aura of impending doom that has surrounded SHIELD College. The hallway leading to the locker rooms was strangely quiet. At the room allotted for the football team, he paused for a moment, seeing the brass plate with the etched words "Football Club" for once hanging straight and not askew or jiggling from its rusty hook. He pressed his ear to the wood, but no sounds could be heard within, certainly not the boisterous banter and roughhousing of football players getting ready for after-school practice.

 

Frowning, Thor entered the locker room to find his team donning their gear listlessly. Those players who were already suited up sat yawning on the benches. They had just finished their mid-term exams and, judging from the dark circles around their eyes and the zombie-like expression on their faces, it was obvious that his team had pushed themselves through a full week of all-nighters in order to make the passing grade. Thor was tempted to send them home, but seven days of inactivity left his players woefully out of shape, and they have a big game coming up in three days.

 

Putting his foot on the edge of a bench, he laid his tattered playbook on his knee and draped his right arm over it. He leaned forward to glower at each player.

 

"Okay, talk," Thor ordered, dropping his voice a notch to a menacing tone. "Surely your exams weren't _that_ bad."

 

No one talked, but the collective groans that rose among his players were eloquent enough answers.

 

"Hah! I _always_ tell you guys to never neglect your studies, but you _never_ listen to me! I'd have been much happier if you paid as much attention to your academics as you do whenever we discuss football plays. If your grades fall in deep shit, you have no one else to blame but yourselves."

 

"But we _did_ study, Chuck!" his quarterback Teddy Altman put in, the frustration etched on his rugged face which always reminded Thor of a pug. "It's not our fault that old bitch Professor Hill decided to give us advanced level algebra problems to solve and…"

 

Thor slapped the playbook on his thigh, the sound as sharp as a pistol crack. "'Chuck'? And who the hell told you to call me 'Chuck'? Even my Dad – God rest his boozing soul – never called me 'Chuck'. I may be just six years older than you, but I'm still your coach. So show me some respect, damn it! It's 'Coach Odinson', 'Coach THOR', or simply 'Coach' to you ladies! Certainly not…"

 

"Yo, Chuckie Boy!" a cheerful voice greeted him from the doorway.

 

'Chuck' was bad enough; 'Chuckie Boy' was worse. Whirling furiously, Thor declared, "I thought I told you to call me… Oh, Mr. Coulson."

 

Grinning, Phil Coulson, SHIELD College's aging postmaster—one of the handful of men who _could_ call him 'Chuck' and actually knew the true story behind the nickname—went inside, closing the door behind him. To Thor's chagrin, the old man even patted him briskly on the head as though he were an elementary student so that his bun came undone.

 

"You're spunky today, Chuckie Boy!" Coulson ruffled the football coach's wavy shoulder-length blond hair. He then waved to the team. "Good afternoon, boys!"

 

It seemed as if the locker room floor had acquired a vacuum cleaner's super sucking power as the blood drained away from the players' faces. Through some perverse notion, the dean of the college had designated the postmaster to be the one to put up the grades of all the students after every exam on the bulletin board, instead of letting the professors themselves do the job in class. As a result, Coulson became known by the infamous moniker 'Harbinger of Academic Doom.'

 

Seeing the ghostly faces before him, Coulson laughed and said reassuringly, "Relax, boys! You just finished your exams, right? You won't be finding out the results until after…" He made a good show of counting on his gnarled fingers. "…Three days…" More groaning. "…And I got the news straight from Dean Fury himself."

 

Thor looked suspiciously at the postmaster. "Then, what exactly are you doing here?"

 

With great flourish, Coulson pulled out a light blue envelope from inside his coat pocket. "This came special delivery for you." He even pressed it to his nose. "Smells nice too."

 

"Who's it from?" Snatching the envelope from the postmaster's hand, Thor looked at the front where only his name and the school's address were typed neatly. No return address. Judging from its stiffness, it was obviously a card. Tearing the flap open, he pulled out the card inside. At once, his face darkened in a scowl.

 

On the front of the card was a hand-drawn comic strip featuring Charles M. Schultz's Peanuts characters Charlie Brown and Lucy van Pelt. The strip depicted that popular scene wherein the eponymous hero attempts to kick a football, only to have Lucy snatch it away at the last second, leaving poor Charlie Brown lying on the ground. Inside the card was a simple handwritten note: "I'M BACK! – L.L.L."

 

"Why, that son of a…" Thor stopped himself from saying more, noticing immediately that a crowd of hulking football players and one diminutive retiree had gathered behind him to get a peek at the card their beloved coach had just received.

 

"How sweet! I never figured you to be a Peanuts fan, Coach!" linebacker Nathaniel 'Nate' Richards remarked, chuckling. "But who's L.L.L.?"

 

"Hey, Chuck! Have you been hiding a pretty girlfriend from us?" kidded tailback Norman 'Noh' Varr, poking an elbow in Thor' side again and again.

 

"Why do you macho men always think it's a woman?" interjected running back Billy Kaplan. Together with Altman, they were the two gay players in the team. With a bat of his eyelashes, he said dreamily, "I bet it's a dashing young student—an intellectual, mind you—who unwittingly captured Chuckie's heart."

 

There were low growls from his teammates, and Billy found himself being dumped from head to toe with dirty school uniforms.

 

"Shut up, Wilhelmina!" fullback Tommy Shepherd growled out everyone's nickname for Billy, although he was laughing just as hard as the other players. "Coach Chuckie does not tiptoe through the tulips like you!"

 

Underneath the growing pile of clothes, Billy shrieked, **_"Waaah! I'm smothering in testosterone!"_**

 

Hearing two utterances of that childish nickname proved to be too much for Thor's frayed nerves. Waving his playbook like a mad man, he blew a shrill note from his whistle and yelled, "Aaarrghh! Enough! Give me a hundred laps or I'll kick you all off the team, you frigging pansies!"

 

"Duh, Coach…" Tommy's fellow fullback Dave Alleyne, who was missing a few light bulbs in his head, pointed out, "…If you kick us out, then you won't have a team left."

 

"Would you rather I break your necks with this?" Thor snarled at them, waving his favorite prop—an old sledgehammer with a broken handle which he called Mjolnir—menacingly. "On the field… ** _NOW_**!"

 

Laughing like loons, the players grabbed their helmets and dashed off to the football field. Billy was struggling out of the clothes heap when Thor picked him up by the frame of his shoulder protector.

 

"I want you to come clean with me, Wilhelmina," he looked the boy straight in the eye. "Just what did you mean by that 'intellectual' bit earlier? Is there something you and your lawyer dad know that I don't?"

 

The running back, however, gave him a playful wink and a flying smooch. "It's a secret!" was his infuriating answer as he slithered out of Thor's grasp. Before he flounced out of the locker room, Billy quickly added, "My Dad said opportunities like this come only once in a lifetime, so don't waste it, honey!"

 

At the departure of his mischievous player, Thor plopped down on the bench with an exasperated sigh. For a moment, as he sat there, mulling on memories best left forgotten, he never sensed Coulson slowly approaching him. What drew him out of his thoughts was the reassuring pat of a hand on his knee.

 

"Hey, why the sad face?" Coulson asked softly. "You should be happy that Loki's back."

 

"I don't think he came here for me, Phil," Thor said, his fingers rifling the pages of his playbook. "He made that all too clear to me the last time we spoke."

 

He could still remember those words actually as if they were said to him only yesterday.

 

**_"When did I ever tell you that I loved you?"_ **

 

"Well, whatever his reasons are for returning," Coulson continued, "I suggest that you don't avoid him. He would never have sent you that card if he didn't want to see you. Let's face it. Maybe things didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, but you can't deny that you two were very good friends. See him, Thor. Even if it's just for friendship's sake."

 

Thor was about to tell a lie just to humor the man who was his adviser and confidant during those heady, tumultuous High School days, lies that he was not good at telling. Loki was more an expert in that department. However, the sounds of shouts coming from the football field caught his sharp hearing.

 

"Now what kind of bullshit are those idiots up to now?" Thor snarled, already fed up. Fearing a brawl had broken out, the two men then hurried out of the locker rooms, heading straight for the field, only to be greeted by a sight they never expected to see.

 

Thor's players were all out on the field in defensive positions, trying to prevent a dashing figure in a sleek black Emporio Armani suit, tie, vest and silk shirt ensemble with spit-shined black loafers on his feet from getting past them with the football tucked securely under his right arm.

 

Thor watched breathlessly as Dave attempted a tackle, but the man swiftly ducked past him so that all the boy was able to grab was air. Some of the First Years tried to block him with a wall of bulky defenders. However, he deftly sneaked through the tightest breaches in their wall, knocking down a few of them with his shoulders. Billy and Tommy's attempts to outrace him fell short because the man's long, graceful strides were wide and sure, like a gazelle. From the sides, Noh and Nate lunged at him for a double tackle. The man leaped above the two boys, causing them to collide into each other, dazing them. He never saw Teddy who was hiding behind Nate and Noh, a huge, hulking wall that stood between him and the touchdown he was aiming for.

 

Then, Thor watched him perform a maneuver he had not seen in years. The man skidded to a halt, just a few inches away from Teddy. As Teddy reached out to trap him in a bear hug, he leaned his whole body backward, so that the quarterback was off balanced. When Teddy keeled over, the man twisted his body to the left, somersaulting over the quarterback's back, his long legs kicking out as if in a dance. As soon as his feet touched the ground on Teddy's other side, he dashed forth in full power even though there were no more obstacles in his path. His long, waist length black hair, tied in a glossy ponytail, fluttered in the air as he ran. He only stopped when he reached the spot in between the goal posts, raising the football high in the air with his right hand, a pose that Thor never forgot and which still caused his heart to go a-flutter.

 

**_"COACH, WATCH OUT!"_ **

 

But Thor had already seen the football that was zooming straight for his face. Before the ball's tip could connect with his nose, he caught it with his left hand, wincing at the familiar force behind it.

 

"I didn't think you'd be able to catch it," that smooth familiar voice reached his hearing.

 

"I've gotten better," Thor replied, letting his hands rub over the ball's surface to curb his increasing agitation. "Besides, unlike before, I have nothing to distract me now."

 

He knew his statement had struck home because of the silence that followed. For what seemed like a tense eternity, Thor would not dare to look up. He only knew that the man he was speaking with had come close to him when he saw his black loafers just a few inches away from his own worn out sneakers.

 

"It's been a long time, Thor," Loki said, his green eyes reflecting their expectation.

 

"Yeah, you look good," Thor replied with a halfhearted smile. Loki's face moved forward to kiss him, but he quickly turned his head away. Ignoring the flare of hurt that his rejection had caused, Thor stretched out his hand. "Nice to see you again, Lucy."

 

Loki looked as if he was on the verge of tears. But then, probably realizing that he could no longer beg for the love that he had rejected, he took a deep breath and assumed the poker face that he was noted for in criminal court. As he shook Thor's hand, he simply acknowledged, "Likewise, Chuck."

 

**To Be Continued At The Beginning…**


	2. Chapter 1

**PEANUTS**

**Copyright April 24, 2014 By Rory**

 

 

**Chapter 1**

 

**_In the beginning…_ **

 

In the course of human history, there have been famous romances that involved the participation of a snake. One of them would be Adam and Eve, those freeloading progenitors of humanity who got thrown out of the Garden of Eden, all because a snake told them to snack on an apple that would make them smart. Next, you have the story of Orpheus and Eurydice. On the day of her wedding to Orpheus, poor Eurydice spent her honeymoon alone in Hades after she was bitten by a snake while being pursued by that perverted god Aristaeus. Then, there's Mark Antony and Cleopatra. The Queen of Egypt, pining for her lost love, chose to commit suicide by having an asp plunge its venomous fangs in some never undisclosed part of her beautiful anatomy. Thanks to these ill-fated love stories, snakes have developed a bad rep for wreaking havoc in a great romance.

 

The love story of Thor Charles Odinson and Lucien Loki Laufey was certainly no exception. However, in their case, it was a snake that served as the unwitting instigator of their turbulent romance.

 

It all began in the sprawling campus of the School for Higher Intellectual, Emotional & Leadership Development or simply SHIELD, particularly its High School department. The first month of a brand new school year saw older students getting reunited with classmates and friends. Eagerly anticipated was the entry of new students into the school, fresh meat for their seniors who were looking for such wide-eyed innocent youngsters to torment.

 

Thor and his gang of hooligans known as the Warriors Three, consisting of Fandral, Hogun and Volstagg, have already made an early start. Learning about the enrollment of Tony Stark, the genius son of billionaire, philanthropist, and former playboy Howard Stark, and his equally brainy best friend Bruce Banner, the four sophomores did not waste any time in including the two freshmen into their ranks, albeit not without some arguments from the two and black eyes courtesy of the four football jocks.

 

One bright and sunny morning, Thor decided that the time was ripe for them to scope out the new blossoms that have joined the flower garden that was SHIELD's cheer squad. He was still reeling from his abrupt breakup with Cheer Squad Captain Sif, who has fallen under the dubious influence of transfer student from Moscow and staunch feminist Natasha Romanoff. In fact, he already has his sights set on a sweet little petunia named Jane Foster.

 

To bring his plan to fruition, he enlisted the aid of Tony, who placed tiny cameras of his own invention in strategic locations of the cheer squad's locker room, something which, surprisingly, the boy genius quickly agreed to. Unknown to Thor, Tony had inherited his father's penchant for sexual hijinks, so his motives for participating in the plot were questionable, to say the least.

 

It was Tony who came up with the supposedly 'better' plan. He would attach the camera, with its own wide angle lens for better visualization, on top of the head of the SHIELD Avengers football team mascot and everyone's favorite baby albino python Jormungand and let him slither through a window and down to the floor. Because everyone already knows the equally, perverted reptile—who has developed the habit of curling up in hampers laden with girls' gym shorts and underwear—it was assumed that the cheer squad ladies would just let Jormungand glide among them, undisturbed, and thus give them panoramic views of their feminine assets.

 

Things were going according to plan. Unbeknownst to the pretty cheerleaders, four handsome jocks searching for potential girlfriends and two very horny nerds were crowded around a small window with a Stark tablet in front of them. A grinning Thor was slowly letting Jormungand slide down the wall until the baby python lay curled up on the floor.

 

"Jor, move it!" Thor hissed and wagged his hand at the snake urgently, who was peering up at him through its pupil-slitted beady eyes.

 

Ever obedient toward his mischievous master, Jormungand did as he was told, slithering with slow, devilish intent inside the locker room with the camera tied on top of his head toward the unsuspecting ladies.

 

Things were supposed to be going well. Already, Jormungand had paused under a bench and was angling his neck upward in order to peep up at Darcy Lewis' miniskirt.

 

But then, Pepper Potts, the Vice-Captain of the Cheer Squad, declared, "HEY! No boys allowed in here."

 

"There's a boy in the girls' locker room?" the peepers at the window whispered in unison, frowning that a weed had desecrated their secret garden. It was they who should be desecrating the place themselves.

 

"Oh, don't you worry about him," Jane Foster, the one who brought the offending male specimen with her, said with a flap of her hand. "He's harmless. He's probably got more estrogen than testosterone."

 

"Excuse me," a smooth male voice with a distinct British accent began dryly. "And just what is it that you're implying Ms. Foster?"

 

"I'm not implying anything. Anyway, I just asked Loki to come because he wanted to borrow my notes in Economics. It'll just take a sec."

 

Thor frowned even harder. "Lucy? What kind of idiot parents would name their son 'Lucy'?"

 

"I haven't met him yet, but he's going to be in my Physics class this afternoon," Bruce supplied helpfully. "His full name is Lucien Loki Laufey."

 

"And as I said, why name a guy 'Lucy'?" Thor insisted.

 

"He said 'LOKI', fool, not 'Lucy'!" Tony growled, flicking a painful finger at the point between the jock's eyes which prompted Thor to smack him on top of the head.

 

"Besides, ladies, I have already seen everything that you are hiding…well, as much as your rather revealing uniform already allows," Loki continued smugly. "My mother is an OB-Gyne, so I have lamentably unraveled the feminine mystique." The lockers moved a bit as if they were jostled and then a crutch and a long leg in steel braces appeared at the corner. "And please don't jiggle your DD sized-cleavage at me, Ms. Romanoff. I don't want your nipples poking my eyes out."

 

Before the boys could let out an outraged cry, they were crushed by an irate Clint Barton—the football team's wide receiver who has a serious infatuation with the Russian—who demanded, "Who's the moron who just dared to insult my Natasha's boobies?!" It took six pairs of hands to shut him up before their presence could be revealed. As they watched in shock, Sif and the other daring ladies thrust their bumpers at the beleaguered Freshman, who pressed backward against the lockers, waving his crutch and growling warningly like an angry puppy, "Watch where you point your silicon-augmented bosoms! They're weapons of mass destruction!"

 

Natasha laughed, reaching out to ruffle shoulder-length black hair. "You know, I like you, Loki. And you're really cute too. Feel free to drop by anytime. It's nice to have someone in school who isn't interested in our assets."

 

"Or maybe you could consider joining us," Sif invited him. "We need some guys for the pyramid formations."

 

"As gracious as your invitation is, I'm afraid my extracurricular interests lie in further improving myself academically," Loki said sincerely. "And even if I were so inclined, my lamentable condition presents me from doing anything remotely physical."

 

Volstagg's thick eyebrows have formed one bushy arch. "How can he talk like that? Like…like…"

 

"A gentleman?" Fandral put in.

 

"Nah! Anyone who talks that prissy is definitely a homo," Thor remarked with a grimace.

 

"Given your bad luck with girls, isn't it possible that you're a homo too?" Clint asked, glancing back at Thor. "I won't be surprised if you'll be talking like him pretty soon."

 

"Impossible! I know for a fact that there are defects in his brain's Broca and Wernicke's areas," chuckled Tony.

 

Infuriated, Thor knocked the two boys' heads together. "If you're going to insult me, make sure that you speak in damned English!"

 

It was when Loki lifted a braced leg sideways that Thor's plan started to go awry. The glint of sunlight upon metal caught the python's eye. Attracted to the light, Jormungand completely ignored Darcy's crotch and headed over to the group gathered at the locker.

 

"Jormungand! What do you think you're doing?" Thor was close to screaming at the snake. "Come back here!"

 

Jormungand, however, had already insinuated himself among the chatters, listening with interest to their talk. To Thor's greater dismay, the python's mouth gaped open upon beholding the male freshman. It was that same dopey expression the snake always made when someone caught his fancy.

 

With desperate times calling for desperate measures, Clint produced a gray rat he had caught in his secret 'nest'. "Maybe we can call him back with this."

 

Bruce grimaced in disgust. "You carry around a rat? Yuck!"

 

"Just do it!" Thor growled.

 

Clint dangled the squirming rodent by its tail through the window. "Psst! Jor! Got a nice fat rat for you!"

 

But it was too late. Jormungand was totally enamored of Loki and had even laid his head on the Freshman's foot in preparation to crawling up his leg.

 

Feeling the added weight on his foot, Loki looked down then at the python that was grinning and flicking his tongue at him. "Why, hello there!" he greeted cheerfully. "What's your name, sweetie?"

 

Pepper jerked back in surprise at the sight of the snake which eagerly slithered up Loki's leg and wrapped around his waist. "Jormungand, you pervy python! What the hell are you doing here?"

 

Darcy too almost jumped when she almost stepped on the snake's bulky body between her legs. "He's probably here to sleep in our underwear again."

 

"Strictly speaking, Jormungand isn't a python. He's an anaconda. Although anacondas also belong to the Boa family, their markings are different from a python. Plus…" Loki snorted back a laugh when Jormungand snapped at the scolding finger that Sif was wagging in front of his face. "…Anacondas bite first before they constrict. But, you're not going to squeeze me, right, darling?" Loki laughed as the snake stretched his length to coil around his arm in order to gaze at him lovingly. "Oh, look! He's even got an itty bitty camera on him! You really are a deviant, aren't you, Jormungand." To the cheerleaders, he inquired, "Anyone have a nice thong I could tie on him?"

 

Jormungand…camera…deviant… That combination of words instantly sounded warning bells inside the ladies' minds, and they turned their heads slowly toward the deathly white faces peeking at them through the window.

 

"Uh oh!" Fandral muttered, realizing that they have been caught.

 

Picking up pompoms, buckets, brooms, and anything that they can get their hands on to be used as weapons, the SHIELD Cheer Squad gathered together, their faces grim.

 

 ** _"GIRLS, ATTACK!"_** Darcy rallied everyone with her bloodcurdling cry.

 

 ** _"OH SHIT!"_** Clint scrambled backward, dropping the rat in his terror.

 

The rat got the reaction that Jormungand was never able to elicit. As soon as they saw that fat gray rodent scurrying toward them, the girls jumped on the benches, screaming their lungs out, their skirts fluttering up so that the stunned jocks and their delighted nerd accomplices got glimpses of bikini panties and short gym shorts. Tony and Bruce swallowed hard and breathed out **_"WOW!"_** when they saw hints of well-trimmed red pubes on Natasha, earning them throttles from Clint.

 

"LOKI! DO SOMETHING!" Jane demanded, jumping and squirming on top of a bench with Darcy. "Sick Jormungand on that rat!"

 

"Now why would I let this fine anaconda specimen munch on a dirty old rat? If you'll excuse us, ladies, Jor and I are heading over to the canteen so we can dine on some turkey sandwiches."

 

"No, Loki! Don't go! Damn it! **_COME BACK HERE, YOU!_** "

 

But the door of the locker room opened, marking the smug Freshman's departure.

 

"I'm getting Jor and the camera back," Thor said, jaw tight, furious at the mysterious student who had thwarted their plan.

 

"Thor, wait!" Hogun cried, but their leader had already run off for the school entrance. They had no other choice but to follow him.

 

When they barged through the front doors and into the hallway, they bumped into Thor, though, who had stopped stock still right in the middle of the corridor, staring unblinking at the limping student before him. It was only then that they got a very good look at Loki.

 

To say that he was handsome was an understatement. For a nerd, Loki was drop dead gorgeous. Unlike SHIELD's students who were all wearing casual chic clothes, Loki was attired in a white shirt with a dark green waistcoat and black topcoat on top and tailored pinstriped trousers. His shoulder-length black hair was slicked back with hair gel revealing a broad forehead and bright green eyes sparkling with mischief. Even with the braces on his long, graceful legs and his crutches, Loki cut a very attractive figure. Crawling at his feet, obviously mesmerized, was Jormungand, who was now collared with a long chain which Loki held loosely in his right hand. Instead of the camera, Jormungand now had a nice frilly red thong tied to his head in a dainty bow.

 

"Yoo hoo, Thor?" Fandral waved a hand over his friend's eyes. "Are you okay in there? You look like you're smitten with him."

 

That observation roused the jock from his amorous stupor instantly. **_"HEY, LUCY!"_** Thor bellowed in challenge. "I want my pet and my property back!"

 

Nonplused, Loki looked at the students who were cowering away from them. "Is anyone among you named 'Lucy'?"

 

"I'm talking to you, pretty boy!"

 

Loki's face lit up in a cheerful smile. "So you _were_ talking to me. I thought you were referring to someone else. Then again, I have been told that I look like a girl from afar. And who might you be?"

 

"My name is Thor Charles Odinson."

 

"Well…Chuck…" Thor bristled at that hated nickname spill from Loki's lips dripping with disdain.  'For a young man with your libidinous interests, I'm not surprised that you mistook me for being a member of the fairer sex...and flattered, to be honest." As he lowered his head to peer more closely at the jock before him, his emerald eyes glinted sharply. "However, my name is not Lucy. It's Loki. Please imprint it into your muscle brain."

 

"Don't call me 'Chuck'! And who are you calling muscle brain?" Thor demanded. "I should call you a bird brain, because you talk too much, like a parrot."

 

"Personally, I prefer to think I'm more like a magpie. They caw quite a lot too."

 

**_"GRRRR!  ENOUGH TALK! GIMME BACK MY SNAKE AND MY CAMERA!"_ **

 

" ** _NO!_** In the first place, I believe Jormungand is school property, so he's everyone's pet. As for your camera, I think the Principal would be very interested in it."

 

"You wouldn't dare," Thor muttered gruffly, flexing his biceps in warning.

 

"Oh, I most definitely would dare!" Loki taunted back, straightening up to his full height, which was but a mere inch shorter than Thor's, in spite of his lame legs.

 

Thor closed his ham-sized hands into fists, his knuckles cracking as he stormed over to Loki. "I'm going to pound your pretty face into a bloody pulp!"

 

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Aren't you forgetting something?" Loki pointed down to Jormungand, who had reared up his head, slitted eyes glowering in warning.

 

"Jor, in case you've forgotten, we're your masters, not him," Thor tried to remind the hissing snake. "I even fed you mice and frogs three times a day."

 

"Mice? Frogs? **_Ick!_** I'll give you chicken and sausages, Jormungand, and your own comfy bed of frilly panties and string bikinis."

 

Again, there was that silly open-mouthed expression on the snake's face. Thor knew a turncoat when he saw one. He stopped his advance, eyeing the anaconda warily. Lifting his gaze to the freshman, he watched in increasing alarm as Loki's thin lips stretched sideways in a truly evil grin, letting the chain leash drop out of his hand.

 

 ** _"SIC 'EM, BOY!"_** Loki commanded, grinning as well at Thor's startled companions. **_"SIC 'EM ALL!"_**

 

The students who had the misfortune of being in the hallway found themselves either plastered against the walls or scurrying back inside their classrooms as a rampaging Jormungand chased Thor and his cohorts back and forth along the corridors. It was like watching a live reenactment of the film _Anaconda._ Some enterprising young men perched on top of the trophy display cabinet and hallway lockers were taking bets on who would be caught first and ended up getting regurgitated like actor Jon Voight in the movie (bonus bucks if the puked out jock or nerd winks). Being the fattest among them, it was poor Volstagg who ended up caught in Jormungand's coils. Because he was too big to be swallowed, the snake settled for biting his nose. Thor and the others struggled to get the anaconda off their friend, but it was useless.

 

While chaos had literally taken over the school, Loki just stayed where he stood, untouched, laughing maniacally.

 

In a case of unfortunate timing, retiring postmistress May Parker happened to be passing through the corridor with her replacement Phil Coulson, an unemployed alumnus of the school, having just given him a tour of the campus. Loki did not fail to notice their approach out of the corner of his eye.

 

It was while Thor was giving the anaconda a mighty tug, together with his companions, that Loki suddenly commanded, "Let him go, Jormungand!"

 

Jormungand's abrupt loosening of his coils caused everyone to fall backward. Because Thor was tugging the hardest, he lost his balance, slipping and sliding on the floor as he struggled to regain his footing. The jock ended up colliding with a shocked Granny May. The two fell to the floor, with Thor straddling the widow, her skirt hiked up to reveal frilly bloomers and loose-skinned, wrinkled thighs.

 

It was to Thor's misfortune that dear Granny May has long been harboring secret fantasies of a romance with hot-blooded teenage boys.

 

"Oh, Mr. Odinson!" she tittered breathlessly. "I never knew you felt this way about me. Now…give me a kiss!"

 

"Uh, no! I don't think so!" But it was too late. Granny May clapped her gnarled hands to his cheeks and gave him a slobbering smack that smells of prune juice and Tic Tacs.

 

The jocks first turned pale and then green at the horrible sight that they beheld. Poor Tony and Bruce were actually gagging.

 

However, it was Clint who could not stop himself from exclaiming, **_"PRUNEY SMOOCHIE! URRRGGGGGHHHH!"_**

 

Having heard the commotion, voluptuous Principal Victoria Hand (or "Principal Va Va Voom" as she was more fondly called by the school's male population, but not to her face) rushed out of her office. **_"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"_**

 

At that stern voice, Thor wrenched out of Granny May's grasp just in time to see Loki give him a smile.

 

Then, his face assuming the offended innocence of an inveterate squealer, Loki limped toward the principal with the camera held high. "Look, Ms. Hand! I caught them putting spy cameras in the cheerleaders' locker room! They were going to peep at mewling quims!"

 

Desperate to stop him, Thor grabbed Loki's ankle, causing him to stumble and let go of the camera, which went flying through the air. The camera bounced on the floor with soft clicks, heading in the direction of their sexy principal. To the jock's chagrin, his cohorts have fallen to their knees before Tony's tablet, praying earnestly, "Please, PLEASE let it land underneath Va Va Voom's skirt!", over and over again.

 

Unfortunately for them, the Almighty never grants the prayers of naughty young men.

 

"Why you little bastards…" Principal Hand growled, crushing the camera with the point of her stiletto heels before it could roll between her legs. **_"ALL OF YOU! DETENTION RIGHT NOW!"_**

 

But there was a fate much worse than detention, namely the wrath of a rejected senior citizen.

 

 ** _"OOOH!"_** May Parker cried, pressing her long skirt between her legs. **_"YOU EVIL BOYS! HOW DARE YOU BREAK AN OLD WOMAN'S HEART! I'M GOING TO GET YOU!"_** For lack of something to throw at the naughty hooligans, Granny May reached inside her mouth for her dentures.

 

"UH, OH! RUN!!" Fandral shouted, his blue eyes widening alarm at the sight of an irate geriatric about to pelt them with false teeth.

 

As Thor's cohorts fled helter skelter, Granny May threw her dentures. Startled, bewildered and confused from the sudden turn of events, poor Thor never saw those teeth heading his way. Those choppers must have been made of cast iron because, as soon as they connected with his forehead, he found himself hitting the floor, cawing magpies flying around and around his head.

 

Before Coulson could seize him and drag him to his feet and off to the clinic and, much later, detention, Loki peered down at him, a fiendish grin on his handsome face.

 

"Are you okay? Who'd ever thought getting hit by false teeth could be so painful!" Loki said, not sounding the least bit sympathetic. "Here. Let me get that molar off your forehead."

 

"I'm going to kill you for this, Lucy." Thor would have snarled, but it came out as a pathetic whine.

 

"I'd like to see you try, Chuckie!" Loki retorted in turn, sticking out his tongue, as Coulson hauled Thor off to the nurse and to the punishment awaiting him.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So very sorry that it's taking too long for me to do *any* updates. Just have too many RL issues to deal with right now. I'll update my other fics when I'm able. :(

**PEANUTS**

**Copyright July 8, 2014 By Rory**

**Chapter 2**

 

Phil Coulson did not have any big plans when he went to SHIELD Academy to literally beg for a job. Although he was a graduate of the academy's High School, he knew that he was never the guy whom his classmates saw as accomplishing great things in the future. He even doubted if they even remembered his face, much more his name. He was that low key.

 

Still, he was surprised that Coach Nick Fury, who was their class president, not only remembered who he was, but has been keeping tabs on everyone in their class. When he learned about Coulson's losing his job at the consultancy firm he had been working for due to the massive layoffs resulting from the struggling economy, Fury had contacted him about May Parker's coming retirement and if he would be willing to take on her job as postmaster. While he had not been hoping that something positive would come out of his meeting with Principal Hand, Coulson found himself with mouth agape when he was hired on the spot, thanks to a glowing recommendation from Fury himself.

 

What he **_never_** expected was to find himself in detention, babysitting a bunch of mischief makers consisting of football jocks and two nerds, a most unlikely combination. Coulson had concerns that Stark and Banner may have been bullied by Thor and his gang.

 

Surprisingly though, Stark not only confirmed that they were in with the plan to peep in the cheer squad's locker room, he also added conspiratorially, "They're not really bad guys. They just need some brains to add to their brawn."

 

Unfortunately, at that particular moment in detention, they were applying their brain power into another endeavor instead of their studies. Everyone was gathered around Tony and his laptop, staring intensely at the screen.

 

"Tony, I'm starting to question your abilities at technical wizardry," Bruce remarked nonchalantly at his side. "You've been at it for twenty minutes and you still keep coming up with nada."

 

"I agree with Bruce," Thor said, nodding. "It shouldn't be that difficult to find information on a guy named 'Lucy'."

 

"How many times do I have to tell you his name is 'Loki'?" Tony scowled back at the jock. He shoved back Volstagg's huge face. "And would you please keep your swollen nose out of my face? It's like an overripe tomato. Urgh!"

 

"We really should do something about Jormungand as well," Hogun said grimly. "Who'd ever thought that he'd be such a turncoat?"

 

"I'm leaving the handling of that snake to Luke," Fandral put in about their quarterback. "Only he and Sam can deal with him."

 

The door of the detention room banged open and their Team Captain Luke Cage and Vice-Captain Sam Wilson stormed inside. Following close behind them was Steve Rogers, Cage's heir apparent as captain to the football team, something which Steve was not looking forward to considering the headaches that were the team's players.

 

Both of Coulson's eyebrows lifted when he saw Rogers. He was certainly not High School age. Steve was probably in his late twenties or early thirties as Coulson himself was. The only difference between them was that Steve was a hunk, with bulging biceps and a strong, broad upper body with pecs threatening to burst out of his tight, white T-shirt. This delectable specimen of manhood surely would have no interest in him.

 

But then, Steve turned to face him, a warm smile on his face and a twinkle in his blue eyes as he nodded to the postmaster. Coulson thought he was going to swoon.

 

"Who's the fool who said we're gonna be takin' care o' Jormungand?" Luke roared at the errant jocks inside the room. Thor and company stopped themselves from rolling their eyes at the sight of their captain emulating their coach who was his idol. "Principal Hand has placed our mascot under the care o' that snobby transfer student from England because you idiots let him slither all over campus."

 

"Uh, Captain? With all due respect…" Clint began with a lift of his finger. "…Jormungand has, for a long time now, been crawling all over school and practically everyone has grown used to him. In our case, we just let him slither around the cheer squad room. But it was Loki who let him rampage through the corridors."

 

"Loki sicced Jor on us," Hogun squealed in outrage. Jerking his corpulent teammate toward him, he added, "Look what they did to Volstagg's nose!"

 

Sam wagged his hand in dismissal. "Volstagg's nose is always swollen, like the icky, splotchy tomato sauce in my Mom's spaghetti." He glowered at Thor who was ignoring them, still concentrated on what Tony was doing. "Thor, you're the ringleader behind all this! What do you have to say for yourself?"

 

"That Lucy is dead meat once I get all the dirty information I can get on him," Thor growled, not lifting his head from the screen.

 

"Oh no no! Principal Hand says that you are to stay away from Loki or else she'll suspend you from the team!" Luke frowned as Thor continued to ignore them. "Are you even listening to us, Chuck?"

 

**_"DON'T CALL ME 'CHUCK'!"_ **

 

"Hey!" Coulson called out from his desk in front of the room. "You're supposed to be studying! And all you extras should be outside!" Seeing that he was not getting their attention, especially since Luke was already about to smack Thor at the back of the head, he stood up with a noisy screech of his chair and walked over to them. "Just what is it you're doing anyway?"

 

"I am doing an identity check on one Lucien Loki Laufey," Tony answered, his eyes still glued to his monitor. "And, for some reason, I'm getting absolutely nothing on the guy."

 

Coulson removed his glasses to peer at the laptop screen as well and at the way Tony's fingers fluttered over the keys. "Isn't what you're doing illegal?"

 

"Not really. The check I'm doing is pretty standard—birth data, previous school records, criminal files… But there is no data at all. It's like the guy doesn't exist."

 

"Or maybe it's hidden behind a firewall," Bruce suggested.

 

"I've already suspected that. That's why I'm running a decryption program with every search permutation of Loki's name."

 

Steve sidled over to SHIELD's new postmaster as the leaders of the football team rounded on the jocks. "I'm really sorry for this," he told Coulson with sincere regret.

 

"Oh, it's okay! Who'd ever thought that my interview day would be this exciting?"

 

"Nick told me that you'll be our new postmaster, but seeing how you handled this rowdy bunch, I think you should become our team counselor as well."

 

Coulson laughed. "Maybe it's because I'm used to dealing with various types of people. But, I must confess, these guys…" He nodded in the direction of the football players, who were at that moment scrambling to get Cage's beefy hands off Thor's neck. "…They are certainly quite a handful." Remembering his manners, he offered his hand. "Oh, I'm Coulson, by the way! Phil Coulson."

 

"And I'm Steve Rogers," the football player introduced himself. "I'm glad you're here, Phil. It's nice to have someone of my age I could talk to who's not a bit loopy in the head, if you know what I mean."

 

**_"EUREKA! I FOUND IT!"_ **

 

Tony's happy cry caught everyone's attention. As they gathered around the nerd and his laptop once more, with Steve and Phil peering from behind their backs, Tony started to explain, "After several false leads, I have finally found his Tumblr. It seems our pretty Englishman is limiting his online presence to just this one site. Once I open it, I can do a back trace to his personal files."

 

"THE-God-Of-Mischief," Fandral read the URL. "What kind of username is that? And how are you going to enter it anyway? It has a password."

 

"Piece of cake!" Tony declared grinning as he cracked his knuckles and let his fingers fly over the keyboard.

 

"Great!" Thor said in eager anticipation. "I wanna know what I'm up against."

 

It took ten minutes more before Tony was able to crack the password. As soon as he entered the words "LuCkyCHarMS" into the window, the Tumblr site opened, revealing a simple olive green background and what seemed to be a single video post. Impatient, Thor clicked 'Play' and Loki's handsome, smiling face filled the screen.

 

"If you are watching this," Loki began, "you most definitely hacked into my account and are up to no good. Tsk, tsk, tsk! You are soooo bad!" The transfer student pursed his lips in a disapproving pout and wagged his index finger. "Still, it seems I do have to give you a little prize for your efforts. Here! Have some of my special Loki Charms!"

 

Loki placed the palm of his hand before his face and blew them a kiss, sending sparkling four leaf clovers flying toward the screen. Suddenly, Tony's computer let out a sharp pop, causing everyone to jump at that sound. It was followed by a crackle and another pop. As the nerd looked on in horror, green flames filled his screen with a laughing skull in the middle, the words 'Demon of Eton' printed in Gothic script at the bottom. All yelped and scrambled back as the laptop exploded in bright sparks, flames and smoke emanating from it. Hogun swiftly dumped his Coke on the computer to put out of the fire.

 

"What the hell just happened?" Thor demanded, gaping at the ruins of Tony's laptop in shock.

 

"If I'm right, you just got virus bombed," Bruce remarked, wiping the soot from his glasses. "A very nasty one too."

 

"You got that right," Tony said, grimacing, as he waved the smoke away. "Loki's virus sent an electrical surge into my computer which fried the system. My Dad is developing something similar for the military, but this… Man, this is a work of a genius, and he even set it up on Tumblr." The nerd gazed mournfully at Thor. "I'm starting to feel sorry for you, man. Looks like you made enemies with the wrong guy."

 

"Well, I'm not giving up," Thor said, determined. "All the more I want to get even with that guy. Is there nothing else you can do, Tony?"

 

"Hmph! This is just a temporary setback. After what he did to my computer, payback is definitely in order."

 

"Uh, gentlemen?" Phil put in. "You do remember I'm still here, right? If you're planning to bully this Loki, I will need to report this to Principal Hand."

 

"No need, sir," Luke said in grim reassurance. "We'll take care of these morons and…"

 

Everyone lapsed into a sudden silence, hearing strange sounds coming from behind the door. At first, they were soft clicks becoming low rumbling growls. These sounds were punctuated by menacing hisses and squeaky wheezes. They almost jumped out of their skin when the wheezing noises turned into loud honks. These were sounds that were very familiar but which none of them could readily identify.

 

Except for Thor.

 

When he was little, Thor's father had taken him to the local Cineplex to watch _Jurassic Park_. He 'ooh'ed and 'aah'-ed at the sight of the Brachiosaurus, with its towering body and long neck. Thor hooted in glee when the lawyer became the snack of the T-Rex. He even loved that spitting Dilophosaurus. However, there was one dinosaur in particular that scared the shit out of him and gave him an entire week of nightmares—of him running through a large kitchen and hiding under counters, of sharp claws tapping on metal floors, and, yes, those same creepy sounds.

 

Thor was the one who screamed among them when the door opened a crack to reveal four pale fingers, the middle finger tapping on the metal surface. Three more honks followed and Thor leaped into Luke's arms, just as a mischievous green eye peeked through the crack.

 

 ** _"Damn it, you asshole!"_** Sam cursed at the interloper sneaking outside while rubbing his pounding chest. **_"You scared the shit out of me!"_**

 

Undaunted, Loki slithered into the room with a velociraptor's grace, squawking and honking with upward jerks of his head. He even made a clawing gesture with his right hand at Thor, so that the blond jock's arms tightened around his team captain's neck.

 

"Yeah, it looks like I did scare the shit out of you, guys, especially your teammate there." Loki grinned at Thor, who had been promptly dumped to the floor by Luke. "What did you think of my velociraptor impression, Chuckie Boy? I heard you LOVE raptors!"

 

"How did you know?" Thor demanded, aghast that this annoying Freshman knew his deepest, darkest secret.

 

"Oh, I did a check on you, same as what Mr. Stark was doing on me," Loki replied, leaning against the door with his crutches held before him. "Unfortunately for you, your personal data is not as secure as mine. I feel so sorry for you, Chuckie. Who'd ever thought that a popular football player like you had to undergo therapy because of a movie? Tell me, Chuck. When you had those night terrors, did you wet your bed?"

 

 ** _"THAT'S IT! I'M KILLING YOU RIGHT NOW!"_** Thor snarled. He made to lunge at the Freshman, but Luke and Sam each grabbed his arms and held him back.

 

"Mr. Laufey, if you have no further business here, I suggest you leave… ** _RIGHT NOW!_** " Coulson yelled, fearing a brawl erupting in detention.

 

"Actually, sir, the reason why I'm here is because someone is looking for Woodchuck there, and I took it upon myself to escort him here out of the goodness of my heart."

 

**_"THERE IS NOTHING GOOD INSIDE YOUR HEART, LUCILLE! AND STOP CALLING ME 'CHUCK'!"_ **

****

**_"DON'T CALL ME 'LUCILLE' OR 'LUCY' EITHER, MUSCLE BRAIN!"_ **

 

Coulson shushed them both before inquiring, "Is it Thor's parents? I thought Principal Hand said that an afternoon in detention was punishment enough."

 

"It would've been nice if Thor's father did show up. But I suppose he's probably drunk on the front porch of your house right now," Loki sneered, causing Thor to kick out. "But it's not his Dad, I'm afraid."

 

"Then, who is it?"

 

As if on cue, a scowling, impish face appeared outside the window. It would have been something to be ignored. After all, it was pretty common to find curious students peeking through the glass of classrooms. But this was not the case with detention. The detention room was situated on the fourth floor, to prevent juvenile delinquents from escaping before their time was up.

 

"How the hell did you get up here?" Steve demanded at the boy who was dressed in a Middle School uniform. Rushing toward the window, he looked down to discover that the boy had actually shimmied up the wall using the drainpipe.

 

"Gentlemen," Loki began in introduction, "this is Peter Parker from SHIELD Middle School."

 

Peter Parker pointed a furious finger at a startled Thor. **_"ARE YOU THE SON OF A BITCH WHO HAD A PERVY LOVE AFFAIR WITH MY AUNT MAY?"_** With the agility of a monkey, the boy launched himself from the window, barreling right into Thor, Luke, and Sam. Straddling the blond, Peter pummeled him with his fists. **_"YOU'RE DEAD, YOU SICKO!"_**

 

Both Steve and Phil struggled to restore order, but their efforts proved in vain. Out in the hallway, they could hear Loki making triumphant raptor noises.

 

"That guy's a demon!" Phil yelled above the din, nearly getting struck in the eye by Fandral's elbow.

 

"Phil, I couldn't agree with you more!" Steve shouted back as he hauled a flailing Peter off his beleaguered teammate.

 

Bruised and battered, Thor barged out the door, only to discover to his dismay that Loki had already gone.

 

He slowly turned around and faced his teammates, his expression grim and angry. Using the words of their coach before a game, Thor muttered, "Men, this is a Level Seven. As of right now, we…are at war."

 


End file.
